Who Do You Need to Forgive?

When you look back on the journey of being an artist who do you need to forgive? I mean, if you've been doing this for any amount of time, there will be people to forgive.

The person who ripped off your idea. The person who told you to keep your day job after they saw what you made. The person who balked at your prices. The person who insulted you in front of your peers. The person who promised you that show (or book, or deal, or golden opportunity) and then flaked and disappeared. The person who never paid you for your work.

I could go on, but you get the gist.

When I look back at my creative journey and start to tally up what I call "a million little humiliations" I get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people I could forgive. And I feel bitter all over again. Why SHOULD I forgive them? What they did sucked.

But then I remember they're not the ones being held back by the past. They're not the ones hanging on to an unresolvable situation. They're not the ones waiting for an omniscient voice to boom from the sky, "You were right! They were wrong!"

It's just plain ineffective to live in the wounded place.

(How do you know when you're living in the wounded place? When someone presents you an opportunity and you approach it defensively. When you think about your past and feel bitter. When you overcompensate by trying to be perfect. When you turn down viable offers for fear of being hurt. When you believe all the negative crap people have said about you or your work.)

Talking about this today a dear friend and fellow entrepreneur reminded me that I am not the person I used to be. I am stronger, wiser, more powerful. And because of that I would never be caught alive in most any of those situations I used to put myself in when I was younger, situations that were breeding grounds for stress, anxiety and humiliation.

The great irony is that all of those hard moments with all of those jerks are what lead me to a place of greater strength. They're actually the reason my boundaries are stronger. The reason I can say no to opportunities that seem too good to be true. The reason I can spot a jerk, or a drama queen, or an abuser, or a hustler a mile away. The reason I value peace in my life above all else.

When I look at it through that lens and see the bigger picture, I know that my creative spirit was forged in the fire, and that I can forgive those people because they were part of one big, messy, painful soul plan that helped me step into my power.

And that's pretty cool.

But you know what else? There's one person who needs forgiveness more than any of these people. Me. (Extrapolating: the person you most need to forgive is you.)

I mean, how could we have let ourselves settle for less, or ignore our intuition, or stay in an abusive situation, or allow other people's opinions to shape us so thoroughly, or believe what that rejection letter said about work we knew was true to our heart?

I try to remember that we all show up with a stunted child inside, or with a family wound, or with an unconscious pattern, and when I remember that it becomes a lot easier to give myself a break.

Every one of us has been hurt by other people. The question is, will we keep letting that pain hold us back from our creative destiny, or will we release it and move forward?

Photo credit: Patrick Humphries/CC

Are You Leaving Enough White Space?

In the film industry when a producer, manager, agent (or, more likely, their assistants) receives a screenplay, the first thing they are said to do is flip through the pages looking at the ratio of white space to black text.

If there isn't enough white space the script automatically goes into the rejection pile. It sounds harsh, but it's for good reason since, generally speaking, one page of a screenplay is equivalent to one minute on the screen.

The white space shows the executive that the writer understands this tight, relatively unforgiving structure. It lets them know the writer did not succumb to flowery, descriptive language, that they likely didn't include a boatload of unimportant details, and that they didn't - God willing - meander.

In screenwriting and in life white space is necessary.

The presence of white space in screenwriting holds the promise of a focused, nuanced, yet engaging and entertaining script. It says, "I'm readable! I might even be a page turner!" That white space is breathing room. It's the pause between ideas, or the time jump between locations and scenes. White space is an exhale.

In life the white space reminds us that we cannot exist within the constant chatter of metaphoric black text. We cannot focus only on output and accomplishments. We must build in the pauses and breaks, because they allow us to rest and help us gather momentum to give birth to the Next Thing.

The birth metaphor is apt, because as with childbirth, we artists conceive, gestate, and labor. The white space is pregnancy, and it can't be rushed, hurried, or skimmed over. Yet, in our culture, we aren't taught to value the white space.

We are taught to be Productivity Machines, and, therefore, are prone to imbalance.

If you don't regularly step back and look at your creative practice as a whole, I recommend it. It's a living thing and it needs tending to. Ask yourself, "Am I leaving enough time in between? Am I exhaling? Am I balanced and focused?"

When we honor the white space we bring ourselves back to center and allow for a more fruitful creative life.

10 Steps to Take When You're Having a Money Drama

It happens. You forget to pay a 0% credit card bill on time and now your interest rate has gone through the roof. You didn't anticipate your car breaking down, nor the subsequent whopper of a repair bill. You spent the fat paycheck from that last art sale on rent, but now the client wants to return the work. When that stuff happens and we get sent into a tailspin, it's a MONEY DRAMA. None of us are immune to these sorts of things, since life is chock full of unanticipated happenings. But unlike other out-the-blue occurrences, money dramas seem to really knock us off our feet and bring up all sorts of fears.

Fortunately, there are steps we can take to help us go from full throttle Money Drama Panic to calm and centered action.

1) Get Grounded. As mentioned, money dramas cause reactions (panic, anger, sadness, etc.), so the first the first thing to do is ground your energy. Take a few minutes to be alone, quietly, so you can ground and center yourself. This might include deep breathing, journaling, walking in nature, or anything else that brings you back to center.

2) Remind Yourself That You Can Handle This. Shift your thinking from panic to possibility by reminding yourself that you are capable of handling this problem with ease and grace. Saying things like, “Even though I feel panicked about this situation, I know I will find a way to resolve it,” or “I have been in tough spots before and I’ve always gotten through them. This is an opportunity for me to use my creative power to create a new, improved situation for myself.”

3) Set your Intention. Before getting into action, set your intention to help create the outcome you want. I usually say something like, “I intend for this situation to be resolved peacefully and easily.” “I intend for X to receive their money by the agreed upon deadline in a way that is easy and simple for both of us.” This may sound pretty woo-woo (and it is!), but it's also a powerful tool that clarifies for both yourself and the Invisible Powers That Be just exactly what you want to attain and in what manner.

4) Visualize. What does the resolution of this money drama situation look like? Figure that out, and then take some time to visualize it. Does it look like mailing next month’s rent? Does it look like finding your lost wallet? Take time to get clear on what resolution looks like. Just like setting intentions, visualizing is a powerful tool that sends a signal out to the universe relaying exactly what you want. It can then assist you in bringing you that.

5) Brainstorm Actions. Make a list of all the ways you can take action to resolve the situation. Don’t edit the list, just put all the possibilities out there. Think on people who may support you, or tools you could use, etc.

6) Prioritize and Take it Step by Step. Move forward toward resolution by being in action. Take one step at a time with the most important action item being handled first. Hard as it can be, don't shrink, procrastinate, or avoid getting into action when it comes to money dramas. They won't resolve on their own (trust me!)

7) Call in Support if Need Be. Whether you need emotional support, or actual tangible helping hands, consider asking for help if you need it. It's far too easy for folks to feel shame, embarrassment, or pride when dealing with money dramas, but truly EVERYONE has experienced them before. Knowing you're supported can make a huge difference to your state of mind, which, in turn, makes a big difference on the outcome.

8) Stay Focused on Big Picture. Know that this is a blip on the screen of your life. This situation will pass just like all the other challenges have passed. When you are dedicated and focused on healing your money drama and stepping into abundance, these situations will become fewer and farther in between. And, they will tend to move through more quickly as you engage your inner technology and outer action steps.

9) Fearless Self-Searching. Once your money drama resolves itself take some time to reflect on how and why the situation came to you. Ask yourself, “In what ways was I responsible for creating this situation?” “How can I alter my thoughts, behaviors or actions so that this situation does not happen again?” “Is there anyone that I need to communicate in a more clear and direct way?”  “Is there a system I can put in place to avoid this money drama in the future?” Using your money drama as a teacher, will serve you well in the future.

10) Get Empowered. Use this opportunity to step up your game. Take a money class, or enlist the help of an accountant, open a savings account, etc. Setting yourself up for success before a problem arises will help move you through them with ease and grace next time around.

Sure, it takes practice to slow ourselves down and reassess when freaking out, but with some dogged diligence you can find peaceful resolutions and redirect your energy toward something much more important and productive - being an artist.

Photo by Nate Steiner//cc

Starving Artist No More Testimonial

As I gear up to launch the Starving Artist No More e-course again next month, I thought I'd share a really beautiful testimonial about the program from an incredible poet, author and teacher, Jennifer Lighty. Jen was part of the inaugural SANM course back in October with 12 other participants. It was truly humbling and awe-inspiring to see the amount of inner shifts and breakthroughs people had around money, self-worth, and the importance of individual creative expression.

Here's what Jen had to say about it:

"Before I took the Starving Artist No More e-course with Leigh Medeiros I probably referred to, or thought of myself as 'broke' at least once a day.  Over twenty years of following my calling to be a writer had brought me little to no financial benefit, and a load of debt that seemed overwhelming. But some voice inside said, 'You need to do this.'

I registered and paid for the course and immediately began to talk myself out of the possibility that it could work, which I continued to do through the first two weeks of the course. However, I applied myself to the exercises and was amazed to discover how quickly my attitudes and beliefs about money began to shift as I became curious at how those beliefs had been shaped by my parents, culture, and personal experience.

I was wary of New Age 'woo woo' practices that promised quick fixes without considering the deeper underlying problems, problems that I believed, stemmed from money itself. Money caused people to do terrible things to each other and the earth, but I needed it to live. Not only that, I wanted it. I lived in a constant state of worry and frustration. This conflict about my desire, layered with shame about not having enough money, resulted in constantly feeling that I was not good enough as an artist or person.

Through working the Starving Artist No More program I was able to repair my self-esteem and shift my perspective towards money in ways that feel miraculous when I look back at how I felt before the course. My relationship with money has totally shifted. I no longer feel 'broke.' I believe in myself, and though the course has just ended, I have begun to see results in the material world as well as the emotional.

The support, enthusiasm, vision, and encouragement that Leigh Medeiros provided throughout the course was generous and grounded. If you, like me, have ever felt that money is holding you back from your dream of bringing your creative gifts to the world, take the leap and sign up for this course. You will not regret it. You will probably be writing a testimonial for it yourself!"

WOW. Thank you, Jen, for your amazing dedication, spirit and kindness. 

Art and Money: What Does Your Money Look Like?

A year ago I decided to be done, like really DONE, with being broke. I've documented some insights on the journey toward a new relationship with money here in various blog posts (including this one that went viral), and I've been teaching what I learned to other artists in the Starving Artist No More program. It's been an incredible 12 months of learning and expanding. Without the dire straits of being on the brink of brokeness, my energy has begun to level off. I'm not rolling in the dough, but I'm not struggling like I used to. I know better what I'm worth and, more importantly, how to create and co-create money. It's times like this - calm, satisfying times - that I know I really have to keep up the work. While peacefulness is my favorite state of being, it can lead to complacency, which is the pre-cursor to backslide.

So, my practice for this week has been to recognize what money looks like in my life. I've found that when we stop obsessing on the acquisition or loss of little green pieces of paper two things happen: 1) we realize our lives are more abundant than we thought; 2) we focus on end results instead of on an inherently worthless thing - money. After all, money is only a tool that represents potential. In and of itself it shouldn't be the goal.

The other day when my boyfriend and I were in the car talking about finances I started listing what money looked like in my life right now. Here are a few of the ways it's showing up for me: 4 to 6 hour work days, three months of gas money for traveling around New Mexico, hiking at various (insanely gorgeous) National Parks and natural spots, donations to animal rescue organizations, the purchase of paints and canvas, the ability to be somewhat spontaneous with my schedule, red and green chile enchiladas at delicious local restaurants, a new dress for my best friend's wedding, a piece of handmade horsehair pottery, getting my storytelling fix with Netflix TV shows at night, delicious and healthy vegetarian food, and more.

You see, money doesn't look like money. Money looks like feelings, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle choices, and sometimes, yes, things.

More than anything, money, for me, looks like freedom. When I look at what money creates in my life I feel abundant, which is the opposite of how I often feel when I only look at numbers and financial transactions. It might seem small, but it's a shift in perspective - the perspective of abundance.

It's not to say that we shouldn't look at our finances, we absolutely should. It's just a reminder to look too at the results of those numbers going up and down. Those results add up to our quality of life, our ability to serve, and the ways we can express ourselves in the world.

So what does money look like in your life? Look around and make a list! Acknowledging your abundance in whatever forms it shows up is one of the first steps to bringing more of it in.